Because really, is there any better way to kick off a new blog than with an awards show recap?
63 Things you were already thinking about the Oscars
Is there anyone who just hates Ellen? I doubt it.
Good first outfit. A little Willy Wonka-esque, but good.
That lady doesn’t look 84. More like 83, for sure.
Liza looks fantastic.
John Travolta, on the other hand…
I fell asleep to a Meryl Streep movie on Friday night.
So, Jennifer and Bradley are really a couple? I can never remember.
I’ve missed Kate Hudson.
Jared Leto is OBVIOUSLY the prettiest.
Is that his mom? She’s super pretty. Good hair genes.
“Speaking of sex at the rodeo…”
Oh, that racists joke is going to be a HuffPo article tomorrow.
That dress makes Anne look thick.
This is Serious Anne tonight. Serious, thick Anne.
Okay, now to the movies. I don’t think I’ve seen any. Except Frozen.
Poor Jonah Hill has to wear ugly clothes in every single movie he does.
Jared Leto — and his perfect Balayage — win it.
How many chicks are going to their stylist tomorrow and saying “Give me Jared Leto’s hair.”
Look how clean he is.
Who is that guy kissing his mother?
Oh, his brother. He’s handsome. Wow. Good genes, Leto family. No wonder everyone is sleeping with him. (cough. taylor swift. cough.)
This is the longest, un-cut-off speech on the Oscars, ever.
Where has Jim Carrey been? I could use a good Jim Carrey movie.
I just spotted some major slow-clapping.
I want to be Kerry Washington. In that dress. And that lipstick.
I can’t condone Pharrell’s hat choice. State Patrol chic?
Such a lovely speech from the hair and makeup ladies of Dallas Buyers Club. Really lovely.
And, cue the Star Wars music. I bet that gets annoying.
Harrison Ford has aged a bit lately, yes? Is he about to fall asleep on the stage?
I fully confess to watching Titanic this week and falling head-over-heels with Leo.
No comment regarding Kim Novak. No comment at all.
I love when they say, “Zhank you to zee Academee.” The best.
Lupita’s dress is blue? So terribly pretty.
What happened to his son? Googling that.
Let’s all age as nicely as Sally Field, okay?
They’re totally hooking up tonight. Emma Watson and Jason Somethingoranother.
Excuse me while I take a moment for Zac Efron. (who is going to see his new movie with me?)
I keep thinking ET is going to fly across that moon while these people are singing.
Kate Hudson as best dressed for the night. Right?
That brown velour suit is making me want to cry.
Whoopi is wearing the dress that Julia Roberts wore to the Golden Globes.
Do you think it’s awkward when everyone else stands up and you just don’t feel like it?
// Fast forward. Because I’m bored. //
This selfie moment is priceless.
Every blond actress is wearing white tonight. There must have been a memo.
That headband is giving her a headache. I know it.
What a lovely, graceful speech she gave.
Lupita gets the award for the best award acceptance.
That pizza place is having the best week ever.
And, that pizza looks good.
The pizza guy is pretty cute. You know he’s an “actor.”
Did you see Bill Murray pull away from Amy Adams? Diss.
Let’s be honest. Pitch Perfect is my favorite movie.
But, pretty sure Anna Kendrick doesn’t have a stylist yet.
Worst dressed of the night: Jennifer Garner.
If you’re a 60-something actress, you’re looking better than ever.
Not you, Goldie Hawn.
John Travolta. Oy. You’ve got to be kidding.
Nice save, Ellen.
Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel were a good match-up.
I bet they’ve been hot-tubbing together once or twice.
And… My TiVo cut off the rest of the show.