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My oldest daughter turns ten today. TEN. When did that happen? I suppose around the same time I turned thirty-something. In my mind, she’s still six. And I’m still 26. Sigh. Where did the time go?
But now, we’re deep in the Land of Tween.
I had no idea this place existed. The one in between life with a child and life with a teenager. But, oh my, is it rough. The mood swings. The clothes. The hating of everything that breathes. Every time it breathes. I imagine that this is what it’s like having a wife.
Wait. Never mind.
The Homework Drinking Game for Parents was such a wild success and I’m so thrilled that I could help all of you drink your way through math worksheets and writing prompts (to date, it’s been shared on Facebook over 150,000 times!) that I knew that we needed a way to drink ourselves through the tween girl years, too.
So, I’m happy to introduce…
The “My Daughter is a Tween” Drinking Game for Parents
(Note: This game pairs nicely with wine. Straight from the bottle, if necessary. Screw-top only. You don’t want any sharp objects, like a bottle opener, anywhere in reach of your tween.)
The game is easy. Grab a glass and drink when…
- She slams the door. One drink for each time she opens it back up, yells something indistinguishable, and slams it again.
- There is nothing in her closet to wear, according to her. Drink again if you know that every piece of clothing she owns is clean.
- You have to tell her that leggings are not pants.
- She steals your cell phone to text her friends. Drink again if she also fills up all of your storage with selfie videos.
- You find a lip gloss that’s missing a lid.
- Taylor Swift lyrics cross her lips. Drink twice if you accidentally sing along with her. Three times if she starts singing that song about how some girl looks in some guy’s American Apparel underwear.
- She refuses to eat a meal… then eats you out of house and home an hour later.
- She smells worse than your teenage son.
- There is crying for no apparent reason. (Can we suggest a Costco membership? You’re going to need a case of wine for this one.)
- There are sleepovers. Drink once for every extra tween girl staying at your house overnight. Twice if they’ve taken over your living room. Three times if they’re staying past 9 a.m. the next morning.
- You forget the basic tween-survival rules and talk to her before she’s had a chance to wake-up properly in the morning. (Feel free to substitute mimosas/Bloody Mary’s for these circumstances.)
What would you add to the Tween Drinking Game? Suggestions welcome! We’ll add them, with credit!
Note: We hate to state the obvious, but drinking this much probably isn’t safe. This drinking game is only intended to be read for fun. They are not actual drinking suggestions. Because if you drank this much, you’d be drunk. Or if you’re me, super drunk. Please be safe and responsible and put the safety of your children first. <stepping down>