Note to self: Never, EVER be one of the women at that “red carpet” event.
I need Chris to open his mouth more when he talks.
Maybe it’s a farmer thing. So the bugs don’t fly in. When he’s on the tractor.
Baby cows. Women love baby cows. More baby cow shots, please.
20-miles from civilization = awesome Pinterest-worthy photo backgrounds.
Wait, the entire FIRST HOUR is red carpet? Sigh.
I love that the ex-contestants are pretending like the fans do not exist. At all.
I spy prom hair.
On to the bachelorettes!
Drink every time you see ombre hair.
I mean, it’s a bad sign when she straight out admits that she’s crazy, right?
I’VE BEEN TO MAPLE VALLEY! DO YOU KNOW HER, CB/AB?
My early vote is for Kelsey, the school counselor.
Ohmy. She’s a widow, too? Top two. For sure.
Josh and Andi are never getting married. (told you so.)
This is too much Nikki time. Over it.
I now pronounce this the season of the henley shirt.
This bachelor house is nailing the trends of 2014.
Aztec towels. Reclaimed wood chevron walls. Outdoor showers.
Are girls suppose to say panty dropper? That didn’t sound right.
Well, that’s quite a first impression.
She’s not just a hugger, but an over-hugger-who-kind-of-cries-too.
Whitney. Too enthusiastic.
KELSEY. Adore her. She must win.
Is Ashley already a little drunk?
This is the best trick, ever. I love the outfit switch up. Super cute.
These ladies from Iowa are having the best day ever.
They’re selling Iowa, that’s for sure.
The over-hugger turned out to be a winner. Go, Britt!
That secret admirer stunt worked out well. He HAD to come find her. Smart.
The eyelash game is intense on this show.
Second limo arrival group is getting the shaft on coverage.
Loving Becca. Good outfit.
Motorcycle girl is an automatic in.
Don’t you wonder if anyone has ever fallen on their face walking in?
THE MATCHING LACE WRIST CUFFS.
I think I stopped watching. There are so many girls. I can’t keep up.
I fully support his first impression rose.
And he kissed her! I wasn’t expecting that!
They have a bit of a love at first sight thing going on…
Please don’t be crazy. Please don’t be crazy. Please don’t be crazy.
Tara is going to fall right off the back of those mini-bleachers.
And smack her whiskey-drunk head on the floor.
He’s doing a great job ignoring her.
Also, there’s no way he learned everyone’s names so quickly. There must be a cheat sheet.
Or, maybe he only picks the ones whose names he knows.
Drunk girls are winning. Big time. Drunk girls and brunettes.
I loved the gal who did the cute pig nose. Sad to see her go.
The arrived when it was nighttime and now it’s MORNING?
No wonder everyone is drunk!
Is she going back in? Oh my. Don’t do it.
And, that’s where they end it. Such a teaser.
“I would rather chew glass and wash it down with a bag of hair.”
Let’s end things there.
photo via The Bachelor Facebook page.
Umm all of these and more! How about: “Oh yeah, all my best friends are named Jack…wait…” Sip.
Also: I am 99 percent sure he has an ear piece. Which I’m 99 percent sure a producer is saying. YOU HAVE TO KEEP THAT DRUNK GIRL and at least 6 brunettes which no one can differentiate.
Also (part 2): how did that counselor’s husband die of a heart attack? Is this a May December romance?
Also (part 3, it gets worse as it goes like the God father…): totally don’t know that girl but we have mutual friends who do and are cheering her on. I don’t know her so I can say with full anonymity that the name Kale for a baby is just wow. Just wow. PNW kids celebrate…
I thrououghly enjoyed this!